Before I get to my resolution, let me tell you a little bit about myself. When I was growing up, I was never a person that was very trusting and it just became worse over the years as I had more reason to not trust people and then when people started coming to me and saying that they were having problems with someone online, I decided to put my evil talents to use and I began digging into places I normally wouldn't find myself and I became quite good at it.
The longer I did this, the more resentful I became because it was an all too familiar reminder of myself. I began realizing that I was looking for what happened to me in other people and just knew that the people I began looking into had to have done something just as bad or worse.
I am the person that everyone loves to hate and I'm the person that you will suddenly find on Dateline as having vanished without a trace because I love to start shit or rather I love to finish shit that others start and bring out their worst qualities. What I mean by that is I dig deep for what it is that brought me to them in the first place and use it to my advantage and I get a thrill out of exposing them for lies and perhaps cheating on their spouse.
In some cases, like this recent thing, I tend to over react and I make it personal. When my friend came to me with this thing with Nikki, I made it my mission to make sure the people involved were either given peace of mind when I found out who was doing this or make sure the guilty parties were proven guilty and make sure the consequences followed.
That part will never change, its bred in me and its what I do and I do it well. However there is such thing as being too much of a bitch and that's what I did here. I made it personal because having been screwed myself, I wanted to make sure that whoever did this, paid the price for their wrong doing.
But, in doing some more looking into this and not really getting the results I did because I digged but because I realized I was just taking my sources at their word and assuming that this person she chatted with was the guilty party. It hadn't occurred to me that the sources I went to might not know what went on the past two years.
I realized I said this was closed but I had to make sure everyone knows that EVEN though NONE of this happened and it is NOT true about Nikki, that I may have jumped the gun and perhaps the wrong person is being blamed and for that I apologize to everyone involved, especially Nikki and her.
I hadn't even thought that the one person I talked to might not know and the other people are probably telling me the truth but it may not actually be them answering. I do believe it was them answering but who knows. What I'm saying is that I probably blew things way out of proportion and for that I'm sorry.
I also want to say that it was never my intention to hurt anyone, especially Nikki because even though its my job to find the truth, I sometimes get carried away and I end up putting my foot in my mouth and as usual cause chaos. Anything that has been said that implies him as being involved in things like this is NOT true and everyone must not assume that it is true because its not. Nikki is perhaps one of the best examples of what it takes to beat the worst possible odds.
You could say he's a miracle and that he is meant to send us a message that anything is possible and no matter how much you think the world is against you it is possible to turn that around and make it a more positive place to be.
My resolution for the new year is first to make sure everyone knows that I promise not to jump to conclusions unless I know for sure who it is that is actually the guilty party and try not to make it personal when it has nothing to do with me and make sure that when I do investigate things, I don't bring it like here but to keep it between the proper parties so that they are not in any way hurt by what is involved, at least in the sense of not having the whole world watching you like a public trial.
There is more than enough people judging others by what they do and I don't agree with public trials that are filmed on TV no matter what they do because to me, they are getting attention whether positive or negative and even though they have certain rights, I don't believe in giving them attention that will draw them sympathy if they are guilty of the crime with intent and malice when they committed it.
Same goes with what just happened and things I've investigated in my lifetime. However, I may be wrong in blaming certain parties and so until I know for certain, whatever happens will be kept private for the sake of everyone involved.
In one way, I made it personal I guess because I have the utmost respect and admiration for Nikki and I don't want to see him taken advantage of and I felt like someone was and whoever it might be is still yet to be found out. However, I will do so more quietly because the last thing I would ever do is intentionally hurt Nikki. I've got a lot of respect for him and hope soon that we can meet and he can personally tell me I'm a bitch. hehe.
In the year 2008, I plan to be less of a bitch and forgive those who have double crossed me and instead look upon it as a way to become wiser and know that, that is something that I won't let it repeat itself. Happy New Year everyone and let's start this new year right and spend it focusing on the positive and make the negative less important. Thank you.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
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